Formation

People often ask me what the best discipleship curriculum is, and I always say the same thing, “There’s no magic curriculum, especially when it comes to discipleship, because discipleship is not a curriculum or a program…it’s a relationship.”

Certainly this has to be obvious from the way that Jesus taught. I mean, he makes it clear in many of his teachings that discipleship is mainly about relationship – with God, with self, with neighbors (and enemies) – but Jesus also models discipleship for us. And if there is anything that we see clearly in his life, it is that he was always interested in navigating, building, managing, and mediating relationships.

The truth is, Jesus was a mentor, and if we want to offer discipleship in our churches, then we need to get much better at being mentors, being with others, and being a place of belonging for those around us.

The Fuller Youth Institute (FYI) just came out with a new report on Gen Alpha, and one of their primary findings was that Gen Alpha – whether Christians, Nones, older teens, or younger teens – deeply values non-judgmental relationships with consistent adults who follow through. No matter what identity category they explored in the report, from race or ethnicity to family type, this was the main thing they found Gen Alpha wanted.

This is a question of TRUST, and trust is something we are all in short supply of these days. Even within our churches, we do not trust one another…not really.

Oh, we are good to smile at each other and briefly ask how the week is going, how the family is going, how the job is going, how retired life is going, how the grandkids are doing…but ask yourself, when was the last time you truly trusted someone at your church? Trusted them enough to share your personal experience of discipleship with them? Trusted them enough to be genuine and sincere with them and to reveal good times and hard times in your discipleship journey?

As a mentor, we have to learn to do this. We have to learn to be genuine and sincere, and to cultivate trust with others around us. We have to learn to share our discipleship journey with others. We have to learn to get to know the folks we go to church with…not just during “coffee hour” or “formation time” or “Sunday School.”

It’s time to go deeper with one another, just as Jesus did with his disciples.

Did we not notice that the Garden of Gethsemane was a model for us to follow? A model of mentorship?

Jesus does not go off alone to face the most difficult challenge of his entire life. That is what most of us would do. We would go off alone. Not allowing anyone to see how much we are struggling, how much we are in pain, how much we are suffering. We would not allow any of our church friends to see us face such a spiritual challenge, fearing that revealing a crack in our mask might ruin our reputation as a “good member and spiritual leader” within our community.

But this is precisely what Jesus does. He invites his disciples, his mentees, to share his spiritual struggles with him. He invites them into the space and place of his most dire struggle of all, where he questions everything, where he needs the discernment of others so desperately…he doesn’t know what to do in the Garden of Gethsemane, and he needs support, advice, and friendship. Now, the disciples don’t do a very good job at being with Jesus during this time, but Jesus invites them along on his journey anyway…because that is what a good mentor does.

So, how can we follow Jesus in this model of mentorship and trust building?

• Get curious: When a mentee (let’s say a teenager) says something you don’t understand, say, “Tell me more.” Then practice active, nonjudgmental listening. Ask questions, and listen more than you talk.

• Follow up: When a teenager shares something important (like a test, something happening with their family, or a big game coming up), make a note to ask how it went the next time you see them. Follow-up is a big trust builder.

• Be dependable: Trust builds when you do what you say you’re going to do. If you say you’re going to show up, show up. Never promise to make a performance or game that you don’t actually mean to attend. Teens might act like it’s no big deal, but they notice and they remember.

And isn’t this true for us all? Not just for teenagers. We are all seeking out curious, reliable, thoughtful, dependable people in our lives. People we can trust. People we are can share things with…people with whom we can practice life together.

Let’s be that person in someone else’s life today, this week, and this year. We can do it! GO AND DO IT!